Dreamwalker

"What does it matter to you? When you've got a job to do, you've got to do it well."

That's what I always sing in my head when I start feeling overwhelmed with work. I love my job - I have never been shy to admit that. Sometimes, though, I just get distracted by so many other things. C'est la vie, yes?

It doesn't help my case that I really do have a proclivity for distraction. Name it, and it will probably be a distraction for me.

Enter games.

Yes, I am talking about those wonderful pieces of code that catches the eye because of the graphics, sounds, and gameplay. I am not a hardcore gamer - although I do like playing games so much that I wouldn't mind having the freedom to purchase and build gaming computers all I want if I had the time and money. I do know how addicted I can become if I don't watch out. (Aside: There was a semester in uni when I stopped going to classes because of a certain game called The Sims.)

Everyone seems to think that working freelance is fun and glam. You get to work when you want. You get to travel and work. You are always available.

Of course, those things may be true everyone now, and then, but the reality is that it is not so glamorous as it may seem. Consider these things:
You go straight to work the moment you wake up. You work till the last moment before bed. Of course, this is all boils down to discipline. And that is totally NOT glam.You can find yourself writing about online degree programs for hours or days on end. Of course, the topic can be much worse. I heard about someone having to write about bunk beds day in and day out! I'll take online degree programs any day, actually!
Your days and weeks blend into one another. What day is it today?There are days when you just can't seem to write well. And when you write something, the words just don't make sense.You find yourself wanting to do something in the middle of the day - or week - with…

...to sit on my butt all day. Oh wait, I have been doing that ever since I can remember! ;)

Seriously, though, I just realized that it has been 2 months since I quit my day job. The decision was not as difficult as I thought it would be, but it was not that easy either. I can say, though, that I can look back at that moment I made the decision and not regret a single thing.

Of course, the "stability" of the job is something that may be a bit lacking, but with what I am doing now, I feel pretty safe. You can't put a price on trust and a job that doesn't feel like a job at all.

Thinking more about it, I realize that I am living out one of my dreams. While the pay may not be like those get rich quick programs (say, a Forex mentoring program), I have to say that the flexibility is priceless.

It is not a glamorous thing, sitting on my couch and working longer hours than I used to.

It is hard stuff - only relying on yourself for motivation most of the time.

At the end of the …

Three decades into my life, and I am beginning to think that life is a series of crossroads. Countless times, we find ourselves having to make decisions - some of them minor, some of them gigantic. Decision-making is a scary thing. In many cases, you hold a certain power over your future, and you don't want to make even the tiniest slip.
I think, however, that worse than having to make a decision is having to wait at the crossroads. I have always thought that when you find yourself in this position, you have to act immediately. I think that's the control freak in me.
These past months, I am learning something else about being at the crossroads: sometimes, you just have to sit still and wait. And for me, that can be much worse than having to make a decision.
Last weekend, I found myself at the crossroads in two different aspects of my life. I took different paths.
In one aspect, I went ahead and made my move. I am going to experience a major change in my life. It is scar…

I can't believe it! It has been a very busy morning for me as I have decided to make the most out of whatever time I have. For the past three weeks or so, we didn't do any grocery shopping. As a result, we had to eat out most of the time, and it really made us broke.

So this weekend, I decided to go to the supermarket, stock up, and make sure that I cook every day. It's day 2 and I am doing great so far.

Anyhow, as I was making pan-fried tilapia fish fillet for lunch and some concoction with pork, broccoli and baby corn for dinner, a thought hit me. I wish I could just do it every day!

I mean, I want to be able to prepare our meals without rushing. I want to be able to do stuff at home without having to hurry to work. I still want to work, but just my writing and at home.

In short, I want to be a (semi) housewife.

How weird is that?

P.S. I remember buying a nice apron a month ago but I can't find it now. I think J threw it away...

I don't think that I have been this busy since...I don't remember when. On the one hand, I feel very good about it as there is nothing that can compare with the satisfaction of getting things done. On the other hand, I feel swamped and irritated because I am finding myself behind with regard to my freelance writing and personal blogging.

The sense of achievement seems to be getting the best of the feeling of being swamped, though. Sometimes, late at night (or early in the morning), I get these silly images of myself getting awards like those you see in sports - softball trophies, Michael Phelps's gold medals, etc. The funny thing is that I see myself giving myself those awards. It happens when my mind is still cloudy with the cobwebs of sleep...perhaps I am dreaming during those times.

And when I "wake up," I realize that I might have bitten off more than I could chew.

Off to chewing...hard!

Don't get me wrong - I have a great job and I love it. Why else would I still be here on my fourth year with the company?

However, I also know what it is like to work for yourself, on your own time, and to make your own decisions. My freelance stint has taught me much and lately, I have found myself thinking of focusing on finding ways to make a living on my own. I am sure that I am not alone in thinking this way. I have seen friends and colleagues try to start small businesses of their own to supplement their income. Here are some of the best - and easiest - ideas that I am considering:
Food franchisesBaking goodies and selling them (yeah, Vicki!)Freelance writingSo far, it is the third one that has been helping me a lot. I really want to work on one of those food franchises and set one up in my hometown but I need a bit more capital for that. Got any ideas of your own?

As I sit here manning the store while Jerry takes a break, childhood memories are evoked once again. I don't know if it is the same for you, but when were children, we would emulate adults and their activities. There were days when we would pretend that we were office workers and tap away on our virtual type writers (no PCs back then). Then there were the days when we would play store. I think I've mentioned before that my grandma had a sari-sari store. I guess in our minds, that was something that we might want to do some day when we grew up. I remember feeling responsible and adult-like when it was my turn to be the storekeeper - with leaves and pebbles as my wares.

Things are not the different now that I am actually doing it for real. I still feel adult-like and responsible - maybe in an even greater degree. There are new emotions as well - a little bit of apprehension because this is the "real deal." I can't just throw my wares away if no one buys the…

It's starting and it's becoming real. And now I am starting to really feel scared. The carpenter has arrived and we are starting construction tomorrow. It's not really a big job - we just need to move a few partitions and paint the living area behind the store.

Wait, come to think of it, I think I have not written about our decision to move out of the current apartment unit to another one downstairs. The unit is larger but we will be using the front as a sari-sari store. That's the Filipino version of a Mom and Pop store - not exactly the same but something similar. More on this later.

Anyway, we're starting the work on the unit tomorrow and hopefully, we'll have it done in 3 to 5 days. Our target is to move in by the 16th of October (that's when our current contract ends). There is so much to do, so much to spend on, and so little money...

Now I am starting to feel that range of emotions that one experiences when taking a leap of faith. It is exhilar…

Jer just said that to me. Followed by "Then you have to stop working and maybe then I can talk to my wife."

I feel kinda guilty because I stay at work all day and then come home late at night only to write. We talk while I work but I guess it's not enough. Then again, I have to work.

I don't want to stop in 10 minutes but I will.

Just a quickie before I start working.

I set my alarm to wake me up at 8:00am. That's real early for me as I normally go to bed around 2:00am or 3:00am. I have not gotten up this early on a weekday for a long time now and I feel so grumpy.

I don't even feel like getting coffee, which just finished brewing.

What makes an individual a morning (or a night) person? I am definitely not one. Grrr...

P.S. Maybe my mood is being exacerbated by the fact that my last dream of the night was that I was Barb in Big Love and Bill was somehow Jerry and the whole situation pissed me off so badly. You know how weird dreams can be!

Thanks to Intangible Art for the photo!

It feels weird. I am used to being at work on weekdays but today, my back kept me from leaving the house. I promised myself that I would go to the doctor today if my back still hurt - and I was really going to.

Alright, I have to admit it - I have a strong aversion toward hospitals. Though I had made up my mind to see the doc today, I somehow found myself taking more painkillers and sleeping it off instead.

I feel somewhat better tonight - really. I was even able to do a bit of work today while lying in bed. It wasn't such a bad Monday after all.

One last thing - I really wish I could work from home full time.