After a month, I found myself back in church this afternoon. As usual, I felt so much at home despite not knowing 99.99% of the people there. I remember something a pastor said when I was way younger: "The more you don't feel like going to church, the more you should go. The more you don't feel like worshiping God, the louder you should sing. Pretty soon, you will be blessed more than you ever imagined."
This has been proven to me so many times that I don't know why I still am this stubborn. Today, the message was on the prophet Jonah, who ran away from God when he was told to go to Nineveh. He hated the people there, and he didn't feel that they deserved to experience God's grace. No matter how far he ran, though, God found him and called him back.
Remember the man getting swallowed whole by a whale? That's Jonah.
Sometimes I think that maybe I have been acting like Jonah. Maybe all this time, I have been trying to set my course in my own way. Maybe I have been trying to be in control, when in reality I really do not have that much control over certain things. I don't really know. What is stuck in my head is what the pastor said.
"Stop fighting life. If you believe that God has a plan for you, cling on to that. He is a God of miracles, and he is in total control."
I tend to forget that, especially when I want to act to fix things. Maybe, the fixing will come in another form. Maybe, finally, I am learning the lessons I am supposed to learn.
I ran away, he brought me back
I turned my face away again
But nothing else would change his mind
Because my God had chosen me