Here in the Philippines, this week is called Holy Week, starting on Holy Monday, ending on Easter Sunday. I suppose that in most other countries where Christianity is the main religion, the same thing applies, but I think that it is only here in the Philippines that this week is such a huge thing.
I remember that as a child, everything would be planned out for the whole family during this week. Good Friday would usually be spent in church, attending a special worship service called "7 Last Words." This service is a commemoration of the last hours of Christ as a human being on earth. Saturday would be spent preparing for the Easter service, which is normally held at sunrise (around 5:30am). After the sunrise service, we would all have breakfast at church, with each family bringing their share. Those are memories that I will always cherish....
Now, I feel the urge to go back to those roots. It's 4pm on Easter Sunday and I was not even able to go to church. I was planning on attending a service at noon but I didn't wake up till about 30 minutes ago - I couldn't even make it to the 3pm service! Times like these, I wonder what has happened to me.
I was so full of ideals, so sure of my purpose. I am reaching deep inside me to pinpoint where I took the wrong turn. How did I stray so far from the path I thought I was going to take in life? Maybe it was not a single wrong turn but a series of misguided decisions? There is no one I can blame except for myself. All these years, it was I who made those decisions despite the counsel of others. It was I who wanted to live for the moment, only to realize that the future might not be as fun and exciting and meaningful.
I want to go back to that warm safe place that I was in when I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted; when I knew what the right thing was and when I was not afraid to do it.
This is what happens when you reflect. As my friend told me last night, self-introspection is a dangerous thing. You never know what you might find. Even worse, I think, you might not have the courage or the will to do something about what you find.
But you know what? I think I still have it in me - buried somewhere deep inside. Somehow, I feel that faint spark of hope, a faint surge of strength. I think that somehow, I will be able to get back on track and face my next 30 years in a more positive light. (Yeah I just hit the big 3-0, hence all this melodrama.) It may take me years and years but I'm gonna get my sense of purpose back.
Have a blessed Easter everyone!
Photo courtesy of http://www.catholiccommunications.ie/easter2007/easter2007.jpg