Monday, December 26, 2011

On Waiting

I really am not the most patient person on Earth. I am probably at the bottom of the list, if there were one. These days, though, I am learning about patience and waiting on a different scale. Sometimes, I do not even know what it is that I am waiting for.

With all the turns and ups and downs that my life has gone through in the past months, I can barely trust myself to make sound plans for the near future.

One moment, I think of going to another country in January. Then I realize my finances can't hack it. The next moment, I look at online bachelor degree programs - self-improvement is always a good idea - but then there is not one program that stands out for me. There are so many things going through my mind, so many plans - but which is the right road to take? I have no clue.

This leaves me with the last option: WAITING.

There is that word again. I wait. For what?

I wait for the time when healing comes, the kind that allows one to make sound, rational plans. I wait for the time when I know in my heart that I have found forgiveness. I wait for the time when I know that I am confident and secure. I wait for the time when I know that I have truly and fully learned the lessons that I need to learn.

I don't know when that time will come. I do know that I will not rush and push. It may sound passive, but maybe I have to truly learn what it is like to accept one's lot, learn, and wait. I remember something that our college pastor once said: "If you are not sure how to proceed, just continue down the path you are currently in."

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