This week is turning out to be more difficult than I thought it would be. I thought that as the months of this year go by, I would feel better and better. Unfortunately, that is not the case. It seems that nothing much has changed, even though a lot of changes have been occurring.
I hang on to the thread that makes me get up in the morning, follow my daily routine, and go back home to rest. I hang on to the good things in life that, little they may seem to be, make everything worthwhile.
Thank God for writings of people who are infinitely smarter and wiser than I am. Thank God for their insights that keep me holding on.
Tonight, I am grateful for Rainier Maria Rilke and his work, Letter Eight, written in August 12, 1904:
And if only we arrange our life in accordance with the principle which tells us that we must always trust in the difficult, then what now appears to us as the most alien will become our most intimate and trusted experience. How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.You all know just how much I love dragons. No way do I fear them. Still, in ancient myths, there are dragons to be feared and avoided. Perhaps in my life, there are such dragons that I need to face. And yet again I draw strength from another part of this letter:
So you mustn't be frightened, dear [Noemi], if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall. Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don't know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going?
Easier said than done, but for now, I shall rest in the fact that God holds me in his hand and will not let me fall. I can't believe I am saying this, but I can't wait to go to church on Sunday.