Monday, August 24, 2009

Monday Pick Me Upper: How Fights Start

Ever wonder how fights start? To all married people out there, here is something to make you chuckle, or maybe even have a good laugh, on a Monday morning.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started...

Well how about I sell the TV and put that weighing scale on mounts instead? Would that be a nice anniversary present?

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...
Now that's what I call perspective!

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....
How about a bottle of Jack Daniels, honey?

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....
This one just cracked me up!

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'

And then the fight started...
She might as well punch him in the face, don't ya think? :p

Happy Monday!

3 comments:

  1. Hahahahahahaaha! So funny :) Made my day.Hi Noemi.-Posh

    ReplyDelete
  2. D: nice, huh?

    Posh! you're back! Kamusta na diyan?

    ReplyDelete

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