Saturday, May 31, 2008

I'm Not Ready to be a Parent

When I was a teenager, I had clear plans for my life - grand plans, I must say. I was going to get my degree by the time I was 21. Then I was going to work for a big technology company. I was going to get married a couple of years after that and I was going to have my first child by the time I was 25 (26 at the latest).

Little did I know that life has a way of making your plans go awry. Little did I know that I would change that much and go in a totally different direction.

I finally got my degree when I was 25. I never worked as an engineer. My first job was teaching English and my current job is still in this field. At 25, getting married was the furthest thing from my mind. The greatest realization, perhaps, is that I do not want to have kids.

Oh, I love kids. You can see from my posts how much time I have been spending with Silas, Sam, and Gio these past few weeks. I love being with them and taking care of them. But I do not think I can take on the responsibility of having my own kids.

For one, it is going to be chaotic at home. I would have to adjust so much and have to deal with Jerry's adjustment as well. We would have to move to a bigger home. We would have to let go of certain habits - Jer can't smoke inside the house anymore PLUS we'd have to make sure the house is always spanking clean. Maybe we'd even have to get air purifiers (like IQAir) in case Jer can't stop the urge to smoke inside. We'd have to buy all those things that people do when babies become part of the family.

We'd have to cut down on traveling. I'd have to stop working full time - I cannot imagine keeping up my work schedule and raising kids at the same time. Basically, we cannot do what we want when we want if we have kids.

I am being a brat, I think, but I am not ready for that. Hats off to parents!!!

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